Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Let's do some more waiting!

Had my meeting today at the fertility department in the hospital. And ohhhhhh.. First we were there over two hours. We, as in me and Butterfly as I didn't have any arrangement for her.And mostly she was a really good girl! (we even went twice to the toilet, coming home in the exact same clothes in which we left!!*). But even a nice girl gets tired (added it being a very hot day) and bored and starts screaming and pulling mummy's shirt because we just have to go right now which of course happened when I finally got to see the doctor (thankfully half way through the meeting). And going back to the over two hours being there and then seen first by I guess an intern and only then the doctor herself (btw, same doctor I saw at the fertility clinic some time ago..). Erg!

But besides that they annoyed me on two issues. First there's the genetic screening. I took about 18 such tests and as I was found to be a carrier of one of them, I chose a donor who is not a carrier. In fact, not being a carrier of my genetic disease was the ONLY thing that mattered to me when choosing a donor. So they want to see the test result saying I'm a carrier. Why??? He said something about if they have to match me with a donor so they would like to know. But I HAVE a donor! One chosen because he is not a carrier!!
The doctor later continued to want to see the whole list of genetic screening I took, saying how it's in my interest. She then tells me how just the other day this woman who thought she had done all the tests, showed them to her and it seems she's only done a few basics. Pleaaaaaase. At least she ended up saying it's not a must and really I do have these tests results at home and it's no problem bringing them, it's just the principle that annoys me.

And then there's the TSH. They won't start treating me or even creating a plan before I see an endocrinologist. The one I was supposed to see around March and was sure I had an appointment and I probably goofed and forgot to make the appointment so now have to wait until the end of August!!! Yes, that's how long. And I can't start any fertility treatment until I see the endo... [I will try to phone and see if perhaps someone cancels and maybe I can "grab" their appointment time].
And I will say that I agree with them on this point, it just totally sucks having to wait so long. On the positive side I will add that I decided that it would be very nice, kind of closing a circle, if I gave birth to #2 on Yom Kippur (around Sep-Oct), as Yom Kippur eve was when I got my second beta and hence knew I was pregnant. So I have until about December to get everything running and to conceive, lol.


Oh wait, before I hit the publish button (too late, but oh well..) let me tell you about my big sister Butterfly. How she is so great with Baby A, her newborn cousin and how I look at her with him and know she will be a wonderful big sister. And you know, no jealousy. I even did a bit of breastfeeding Baby A (my sister tried breastfeeding, she didn't succeed so she more or less stopped) and she accepted it without any problem! (I guess if I don't get to do tandem breastfeeding, that would be as close as I would get!!).

* no nappy, yeah? I was actually debating if to put a nappy on her or not Yes for nappy because I didn't believe we would stay dry. No because I have totally stopped using nappies on her so putting one on her would be  a very big step backwards. I am so glad she proved me wrong :-). [I think we are 93% toilet trained]

Sunday, 27 May 2012

three firsts and a last]

Warning: child mentioned. If you are from ICLW and reading about another person's child is too hard for you, then don't read this post.
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My daughter had a few firsts today. We went to visit my sister where she lives, and since it's Shavuot (a holiday) the small community in which she lives was celebrating it and we decided to see what it's all about. They had all sorts of fun competitions like building the tallest tower from cardboard boxes or moving water from one big container to another using plastic cups, etc. We were outsiders so we didn't participate, but looked like a real joyful day to those who did! (what was really nice about it, the teams were all made of families so there were men and women and older children and younger children). Anyway we were just watching.


At one point my daughter goes off, gets to this table (which wasn't so near where I was but in full eyesight) and I see her taking some fruit from the table and eating. She then wonders back to us (my mum and sister were there too) with hands behind her back and a sneaky smile. Yes, she was hiding some sweet bread or something behind her back, taking it quickly out for a bite and back behind the back it goes! And that grin, a total mischievous I've done something naughty grin! That was just too cute :-). I mean I'm sure I won't like when she's older and lies to me and I hope that's not in our future, but the innocence of her trying to fool mum.... [and isn't it also a developmental step? to deceive means you know that others see the world differently than you!]


And then she wondered off while I was getting us some food (at the end of the competitions they all came to eat). And I lost her. for real. I mean she is fearless and independent and does wonder off and I always keep an eye on her getting her back when/if she goes too far. But there were too many people and just one minute of not looking and she was gone. Kind of scary even if you believe these are good family people and even if you know the road is too off for her to accidentally get to the road. Anyway I go up to the man with the microphone and ask him to announce her. Just as he started to announce, I see her sitting in the middle of the grass, enjoying a popsicle she found!


And then as we were leaving I got myself some ice-coffee. It was either that or a cocoa drink (or yes, water, but I fancied something nice :-)) and I'd rather she doesn't have chocolate (not yet, anyway). Well it was quite obvious she would want some, just didn't expect her to drink so much!


And a last. Well was supposed to be a last if a little madam would go to sleep on that first attempt (yeah, coffee, not the best idea..) and then not wake and want the breast while mummy* is trying to type. But wait, I have the advantage of technology and I can simply "re"schedule this post a couple of hours earlier! So here we are, an hour or two before midnight and the last hour (or two) of me being 41 :-)).




* She seems to call me ima (mummy in Hebrew), and my mother - mummy. I assume because she hears me call my mother mummy..
And she speaks more Hebrew words than English, although she is more with me than with the nanny. I think she understands that Hebrew is the language spoken around here (while I do speak to her in English, I obviously speak to others in Hebrew and she sees and hears) so while she knows and understands English [and she never stops to amaze me at what she knows and understands] she rather focus her efforts on obtaining the dominant language..

Friday, 25 May 2012

nature X 3

Ants
There are these big ants building their nest in the street outside our house (under a rose, to be exact), and it is just so amazing! They march quite a distance (maybe 100 meters?) to get these little pieces of straw and then march back to the nest. The other day there was a big pile of straw outside the nest but also ants coming back and going into the nest itself with the straws (and struggling with the long pieces of straw). And they've been doing this for days! 


Birds


Another type of nest building. Suddenly yesterday* I look up and I see above my window, on the air-conditioning pipe, two birds flying around a nest. How did they build it without me noticing? Can't wait for their eggs to hatch! (just hope that now that I've discovered them, that I won't scare them too much..)
* I wrote this post more than a week ago. After writing the post (that is after I discovered the nest!) it looked like they abandoned the nest perhaps thinking it is a dangerous spot. However! There is now a bird hatching in the nest!!


Plants
Yes, nature very much fascinates me!! Anyway, last summer I (well a worker) dug a hole in the ground to put this little pool to be used as a sand pit. And last summer we played some in that sand pit (but not too much as that corner also happens to be mosquito heaven :-( ). And then came the winter, and the rains. Not thinking ahead, the material I covered it with was enough to make sure cats don't poop in it, but not enough to stop the rain. And during the winter it was too cold to deal with, and then it got really dirty and horrible I didn't even want to think how and what. Once towards the end of the winter I tried emptying some of the water, discovering worms (my reaction - wow worms! how cooooool!) but what was more cool were these pecans [it is right under a pecan tree] that sent out little roots. Coming back again some time later when the days got hotter, these plants have really grown!

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

ICLW

Hello and welcome to ICLW!
A little bit about myself - I am a mother to an almost two year old. Every night I look at her amazed, can't believe I am a mother, can't believe that wonderful "thing" is my daughter!
I am now in the early stages of going after number two. [a little rant - today I had my appointment with "breast doctor" to get the okay to start treatments. I then continued to do a little grocery shopping, and then home. I don't know if I failed to put in his approval (together with some test results I showed him) or if it fell out in the shop, but I don't have it and I need it! I hope they can fax it]
Next week I [finally!] have an appointment at the hospital (fertility) and am starting to get excited! I am pondering if to mention the fact that I am still breastfeeding and would like to continue (a big reason why I waited till now to start T42 is breastfeeding, nevertheless I'd like to continue) or to keep quite about it.
Oh and one day I will have (again) a dog! (just probably not just now).

Sunday, 20 May 2012

This weekend? Hello and welcome to The Terrible Twos. We are glad you chose to travel Tantrum Air. Sit back, relax and enjoy the journey, it may last quite some time!
Oh sure, we did have bad behaviour and meltdowns before I think this was different, and I know that this is still nothing compared with what a tantrum can be like (or I'm lucky and she doesn't go full overboard..).
And then there was the hitting. Let me first take you back a week or two to an incident (actually twice happened with me and once with my mum) that puzzled me. She was not pleased with me (we were at my mum's and I made her go out as the TV* was on and I don't allow her) and came to me, holding my hand with one hand and with the other gently touching it. It was so gentle and beyond the frustration of me wanting her to leave, there didn't seem to be much anger, that I really wasn't sure if she was slapping me or what, and if so where did she learn that???
Well as I said I was puzzled, but I let it at that (perhaps I was seeing more than what it was?). Anyway yesterday (after a "no" from me) she comes up to me saying die (=enough/stop in Hebrew) and then proceeds to hit me with her hands. This time there was no doubt. And I really wonder from where she gets it. I have never ever raised my hand on her (I will shamefully admit to sometimes loosing it and shouting at her, a behaviour I wish and trying to change, but not more than that). I really don't think the nanny hits her. She did see some hitting the other day between two toddlers, could that had an effect? Maybe it is natural to hit someone when you're cross and frustrated?? I am just wondering if the fact that she was hitting means she saw it or worse experienced it, but I probably will never know :-(.


And if I'm on the subject of hitting, I want to tell you of some biting we had (this is old news). Well she had this biting thing, where she would bite while laughing. Clearly not out of spite or anger etc, but still what is it all about?? Then suddenly, as I was reading The Three Billy Goats Gruff, it dawned on me! As I read it, I play the troll and "try to eat" her. Obviously no teeth involved with my "eating" but she's not to know.. Anyway, I stopped "trying to eat" her and the "biting" stopped! [it didn't happen while reading the book] She was just trying to play the troll!!






* Yes, no TV in our house. Beyond the fact that I believe it encourages passiveness, I also understand that it is not good for young eyes. That means I too don't watch TV!

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Sunday

In order to proceed with ttc, I need the o.k of the "breast doctor" (sorry, not sure what he's called in English) who sent me to have an ultrasound as about two years ago I discovered a lump and while the ultrasound (and mammography) back then showed that all was okay, I still needed to do a follow up a year later [phew, you can breath now, long sentence has ended..]. Didn't do it back then, so now I had to do it. Well, had the ultrasound today and while I have to wait till Sunday to get the results, I did see there was still a lump there. I am not so much worried about me and my health as I do not believe it's anything [and please, even if you do think I should be worried, please don't say anything and let me be in denial until Sunday..]. But what got me is that oh my, what about ttc?? I want to already start and not have it drugged out some more. And the questions that run in my head - will I need a mammogram? but what about breastfeeding? will I have to stop? I. do. not. want. to. stop.



And that Time photo.. the one with the 3 year old standing on a stool nursing. I like what this blogger had to say about it http://katewicker.com/2012/05/this-is-what-extended-breastfeeding-really-looks-like.html
In short, what bothered her about the picture was what was missing - no warmth. That breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, is about the love, the bond between mother and child. And while I agree with her, I don't know how much it is about bonding and love in this house hold. Trying to think about our breastfeeding. I have stopped nursing her outside some time ago (don't remember when, I do know she does not ask or expect it when we're out) as she, well.. exposes me. There is going to sleep nursing (yes, that's how I put her to sleep. I am scared and worried about the day after nursing ends, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, not before..), when she switches from side to side to side and all I want her to do is sleep already (but also love watching her nursing and lying so close next to me. While I'd be happier if she goes to sleep quicker, I do not want this routine to end!). Likewise middle of the night nursing (usually when I go to sleep) is please go back to sleep. Then there's in-bed morning nursing. I love it, love how at some point she decides it's morning and climbs to be lying on me nursing (all while my breast is in her mouth, Breastfeeding Olympics :-) ) (but also hate it as it means it's morning!). Then there's out of bed morning nursing. When I need my time as I am sooo not a morning type (hate that time of the day! Who invented it anyway??) and I try and sit in front of the computer and she hangs on to me (well my breasts) going from side to side and climbing the nearby bookcase or practices jumping (I did mention that Olympics! I think a medalist in more than one category, lol) and all I want is for her to leave me alone [but all she wants is her mummy]. Not exactly my proud moment of the day, and not the not the "not now" [hope I'm understood with all those negatives..] as the above blogger put it. And there's after a shower nursing (we shower together), when we sit on the rocking chair wrapped in our towels  and nurse. Warm and cuddly, yes, but also does not last long as she moves and moves and moves. So while not completely cold (probably thinking of our morning session, I was thinking our nursing lack warmth), writing down how we nurse (and thinking about it), I see there are loving warm moments, more than what I thought. I wish it could be a more quite mother-daughter cuddling time. The truth is I have a child who is on the go the whole time. She can't sit still for more than a few moments and nursing is no different. And yes, this is hardly related to the Time cover, just my thoughts in response to many comments I read about that photo in general and above blogger in particular, on how we do it. And yes, nursing and ttc. I so wish I can do both!!


EDT: So even though it is only Wednesday, I decided to peek into the site, maybe maybe the results are up. Well yes the results are up: lump is the same size as last time and more importantly it said it was benign!! Of course I need the doctor to confirm, but I think I can safely say that another hurdle was passed :-).

Friday, 11 May 2012

more ze (=this)


We are now in the two word zone with more ze (more this). Yes, my bilingual girl's first two words* is half Hebrew half English :-).

*she did have a two word (pipi baba) about a month or two ago, but that was a one time incident never to be repeated. More ze she's been saying for the last couple of days for whatever she wants more!